Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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