I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
