She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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