well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
