omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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