Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
