I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize