I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
