My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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