What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want to be your penis for a week.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him