I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.