And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.