I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
