You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
