I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
