Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
