She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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