He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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