and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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