i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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