She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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