If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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