Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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