Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
