if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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