remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
