my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
