Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
