I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
