I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
