I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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