Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Randomize
