im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
