i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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