what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
