Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
