After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
