I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
