I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
