Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
