For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
