I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
