Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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