the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
