The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
