his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
