So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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