hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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