i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
