My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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