I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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