in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
