Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
