its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
