I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
