ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
