using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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