maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
