it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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