On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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