Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
