How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
