1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
