so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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